As I write this, I haven’t even really finished doing the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I can already tell that’s what it is, and the hardest part of the hardest thing is still, like, a month & half away. So, what the Hell am I talking about? I’m talking about 17 days, 2 venues, & 70 plus bands (Although, the band count has fluctuated - if there’s one thing I’ve learned about bands is that they, um, “fluctuate”) I’m talking about something that we’re calling “PREMATURE EMISSIONS: A Chicago Tribute to the Great Emissions from the Monolith Festival in Youngstown, Ohio.” See what I mean?!? Even the name of it is a pain in the ass, and that might be the easiest part of the whole thing. But before I even get into describing what‘s so friggin’ hard about this shit, I probably ought to explain, for those of you who don’t know, what Emissions from the Monolith is all about.
Every Spring, while the flowers are blooming, and the baby animals are just as cute and cuddly as can be, stoners from around the globe gather to drink, smoke, and stand around a night club in the middle of nowhere called Nyabinghi “grooving” to four days of loud, heavy, fuzzed-out, metal-tinged, rock and fucking roll that would make Lenny Kravits shit his diaper. In 2004, at Emissions 6, I saw Orange Goblin, Weedeater, Pelican, Hidden Hand, Dozer (from fucking Sweden, Man!), Lamont, Debri Inc., Alabama Thunder Pussy, and at least a half dozen other kick-ass bands, and I was only there for a day & a 1/2 out of a possible 4! The best part of the whole thing is hanging out with all the other stoner-freaks in the country (and from around the world) who we e-mail, IM, and post to all year. Greg Barrett, the man behind it all, has made it very cool and comfortable for everyone involved, bands & fans alike. Emissions is relatively small & cozy for a festival, and the bands & fans get to hang out with each other, eating Bar-B-Que, passing joints, downing cheap beers, and basically having a loud-ass mother-fuckin’ party to celebrate the fact that we’re all together at the same time in the same place, and that even though everyone else in the world hates our music, they can just fuck the fuck off for one fucking weekend of the fucking year.
No emo, no hip hop, no techno, no rap, no country, no western, no jazz, no classical, no Greenday, no Brittney, no Lenny fucking Kravits. No nothin’ but the ROCK, Dude.
Ahhhhh... feels good.
Then we got to thinking up here in Chicago... all these great bands are in the Midwest at the same time, and most of them are probably looking to book a whole tour around Emissions, and most of them will be looking to play at least one show in Chicago, and hey, that’s us!
So, in 2004, we corralled a couple of bands over to our 2 venues of choice (The Note and The Double Door) including one of our all time faves, YOB, who played the best show of MY year at 2am, for an hour and 1/2. We were in hog heaven. Really really stoned hog heaven. In 2005, however, we decided to be a lot more organized about it, and we came up with our whole “Premature Emissions” concept, which is basically like this: We’ve reserved 17 nights in a row at The Note & DD, around the weekend of Emissions, one week before and one week after. We’ve been working like Hell to fill those 17 nights with at least 4 bands per night, from 9pm until 4 in the morning. We’re calling it a “fest” but it’s really more like two and a half weeks of totally kick-ass shows featuring a lot of the bands that will be at Emissions, plus tons more who won’t.
Some of the bands we’ve rounded-up this year are legend, like: eyehategod, The Murder Junkies, Grimble Grumble, and of course, we’re bringing YOB back. Some are becoming legend, like Lair of the Minotaur, Sweet Cobra, Plaguebringer, and Indian. And some like, Trifog, Melk the G6-49, Zaius, Gates of Slumber, and Superchrist, are personal favorites of mine & the best fucking bands that you’ve never heard of.
Working with the bands is mostly a pleasure, as flakey as they can be. Hey, I’m a flake too, and I‘m friends with more than two thirds of the bands I book. I’m more like them than not. We’re like 2 or 300 peas in a pod, so, in reality (something I usually work hard to avoid) dealing with the bands has been one of the best parts about this insanity.
The suck-ass parts include:
BOOKING AGENTS - Man, these good folks are just doing their jobs, I know, but something about the profession just plain irritates the fuck out of me. I swear, most of the bands that work thru agents would get exactly or better than the same deal from me if they approached me on their own.
SCHEDULING - Time waits for band, and no band waits for me. And every band in the world wants to play on Saturday night. We started planning this shit in Jan. The shows start in May. As of April, we have about half of the bands scheduled. That was the easy half.
THE MONEY - We don’t have any. The bands want it, they totally deserve it, we want to give it to them, we’ll do our best. Out of 70 plus bands, only a small handful of the “big” names asked for a guarantee,” which is cool, and we’ll meet it in every case, even if we have to pull money out of our own pockets. The rest of the bands have been very cool, agreeing to play for free or a piece of the door, plus free beers, a little chow, and some smoke if they want it. Most of them ask for nothing more than gas money to get them to their next gig. For our part, none of the people involved on our end stands a chance of making a dime, and for sure some of us are going to end up spending a decent chunk of our own money to make shit happen. We don’t mind. We get to see every show for free, party with the bands, and act like King, Queen, & Jack Shit of Turd Island for two weeks.
THE NOISE, THE BOOZE, THE HOURS, THE SMOKE - After 4 1/2 months of plotting, planning, working and worrying, the shows will begin, and that’s when things are going to go from difficult to brutal. I don’t know about you, but I keep getting older. This process has left me less able to survive the rigors of being a full-blown party animal. I like to drink. I like to get high. I like to listen to REALLY loud music. I hate being hung-over, crispy, and deaf the next day. Did I already mention that we’re committed to 17 days of this shit? From 9pm until 4 in the morning? Did I mention that??? I’m a dead man.
THE E-MAIL - Holy fuck I hate the phone. Every time it rings, my heart fills with loathing. I’m real weird that way. That’s why I try to do everything by e-mail. Before I started dealing with 70 plus bands, I was already getting 15 - 30 pieces of e-mail every day. Nowadays, my friends, I don’t get e-mail. E-mail gets me. It gets for at least three hours of my life every single goddamn day. There ain’t a high-speed connection fast enough to keep up with my e-mail. I’m seriously considering hiring someone just to answer my e-mail for me. I go to bed worrying about how much e-mail I have to answer the next day, and I wake up in the morning thinking about who I have to e-mail first. Holy fuck I hate e-mail.
AHHH, FUCK IT - Enough complaining out of me. This has been a lot of fun in addition to a lot of work, and the shows are going to be KILLER. I really love music, and bands, and the people I’m working with are tops! Sean from Doomed Nation, Cara from Seventh Rule Records, Dave K from Trifog, and Velcro Lewis from Velcro Lewis and His 100 Proof Band have been a huge help! My good friends and long-time clients at Fat Cat Guitars have stepped up to sponsor our event and have even donated a BIG MUFF PI peddle for us to give away to some lucky fucker. The Note rules for letting us take over their venue for two weeks, and the Double Door rules for filling in the blanks when The Note was unavailable.
And even though it’s been nothing short of Hellishly stressful at times, this is something I would encourage other music fans to try pulling off in their own towns. I mean, we’ll see how everything turns out in May, but I’m planning to have an awesome time, and you could too. Every January, bands start planning their Spring tour schedules. Write to your favorites and ask them what it will take to get them to play in your town. Their answers might surprise you. Find a friendly venue and ask them if can reserve a couple of nights in the distant future. Most club bookers will be happy to have the time filled so far in advance. Get a ball rolling, and it’ll all start to fall into place.
Just don’t expect to make any money, or have the same number of brain cells or nerve endings left by the time you finish. Try to avoid booking agents, don’t make too many promises, enlist some help from other proactive super-fans, and spread the word: design some posters, register a URL, it’s fuckin’ easy, man.
In fact you might find out, like I'm finding out, that it’s one of the easiest fucking things you’ll ever do.
